… is in no way devalued or debased in its colloquial usage by people without any experience of a genuine and debilitating addiction (as opposed to a strong preference for the presence of something rather than its absence, perhaps, or the sense of being accustomed to ready access to a tool which facilitates social exchange and other functions suited to an urban lifestyle), and because people never exaggerate in response to leading questions in surveys, we must presume – with great sadness and pity at the decline of humanity into mere flesh-blob slaves of their own technologies – that OFCOM have uncovered a great tragedy in the making.

In other news, huge swathes of the population are revealed to be “addicted” to shoes, motor vehicles and clean running water! THE END IS NIGH.